It is advisable to meet with all your co-tenants as early as possible once you have all arrived, while everyone is still excited and keen and nobody has had a chance to fall out. This makes it easier to discuss rotas for cleaning, how to manage noise, and how to share communal areas.

In larger developments your Housing Management Officer will arrange ‘Kitchen Meetings’ at the start of your tenancy. These meetings will help you to set up rotas and discuss some ground rules, so please do attend.

When people live together it is inevitable that issues will arise from time to time, so we would always suggest that you try to deal with issues yourself in the first instance. Try to talk calmly to those involved, before you become angry and distressed; it is important to be assertive and clear about what you want to say. When you want to discuss something important remember the key points below:

• Is it the right person?
• Is it the right time?
• Is it the right place?
• Do you have all the facts?

Assertiveness is not aggression and it may take practice to be assertive, but it is more likely to get results than a shouting or slanging match.

Look at our examples:

• State calmly what you want to happen ‘I would like you to listen to what I have to say and I would like you not to interrupt me. Thank you.’
• State the facts ‘I know that someone has used my shampoo this weekend as the bottle is only half full.
• State what you want ‘I would like the person who did so to own up and acknowledge they have taken the shampoo.’
• State how it makes you feel ‘When this happened it made me angry and upset and I feel like I can’t trust anyone.’
• State what you want the other person to do ‘I would like you to acknowledge this and not to do this again. I don’t want you to shout or be angry.’

Avoid social media groups, Facebook, WhatsApp messaging, leaving notes on the fridge, or anything else that is not face-to-face when you want to address issues. It is also important to speak for yourself and not comment on how others are feeling. Most people can speak up for themselves and resent others doing so for them. Using such methods results in misinterpretation and the actual facts and message get lost or distorted. This can result in the initial issue escalating into something that could have been avoided.

Likewise if you or your co-tenant have been drinking and socialising this is probably not the best time to discuss issues that have been building up. Alcohol and other substances alter our perception and can lead to issues rapidly escalating. Wait until everyone is sober!

We know that even with the best planning and a reasonable approach this doesn’t always work; if you feel you have not been able to resolve the issue talk to the Tenancy Support and Wellbeing Coordinator.

Think about how you would want to discuss this and ensure you use the communication principles; calmly state the facts as you understand them, outline what you would like the outcome to be and what you have tried so far. The Tenancy Support and Wellbeing Coordinator can work with all parties to find a resolution. Life skills are important in such situations, there is likely to be some compromise required from everyone.

Focus on the future and how to move things forward positively, rather than the ‘blame game’. Once issues have been discussed and resolved they should be closed. Things that have been dealt with should not be referred to in the future if other issues arise.

Compromise means nobody wins, but most importantly, nobody loses!

For more help with this, contact tenancysupport@unipol.org.uk