Relationships are not fixed — they grow and change over time as people have new experiences, face challenges, and learn more about themselves and each other.
All relationships exist on a spectrum, from healthy to unhealthy and, at the far end, abusive. It’s important to recognise that abuse can take many forms. It is not always physical — it can also be emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, or involve controlling or coercive behaviour.
Understanding what a healthy relationship looks like can help you recognise when something isn’t right.
What makes a healthy relationship?
Healthy relationships are built on shared values and mutual respect. This includes:
- Communication – You can talk openly and honestly, listen to each other, and respect different opinions.
- Respect – You value each other’s feelings, boundaries, and individuality. You feel accepted for who you are.
- Trust – You feel secure and don’t need to check up on or “prove” each other’s honesty.
- Honesty – You are truthful with each other, while still respecting personal privacy.
- Equality – Decisions are made together, and both people have an equal voice. No one has power or control over the other.
- Boundaries – You feel comfortable spending time apart, and your need for space and independence is respected.
When a relationship feels unhealthy
If a relationship makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, controlled, or unsafe, it may be unhealthy. This doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships — it can also include relationships with friends, family members, housemates, lecturers, or anyone else in your life. Signs can include:
- Feeling pressured, controlled, or isolated
- Being made to feel guilty, ashamed, or “not good enough”
- Constant arguments or lack of respect
- Fear of how the other person might react
Unhealthy relationships don’t always improve without change and support. In some cases, ending the relationship may be the safest and healthiest option.
If you don’t feel able to end a relationship or are unsure what to do, it’s important to seek support.
How to set healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries means understanding what you are comfortable with and clearly communicating that to others. It helps protect your wellbeing and supports more respectful, balanced relationships.
Here are some simple ways to set and maintain boundaries:
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Know your limits
Take time to reflect on what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable — whether that’s your time, space, emotions, or personal values. -
Communicate clearly and calmly
Be honest and direct about your needs. You don’t need to over-explain or apologise for setting a boundary. For example: “I need some time to myself tonight” or “I’m not comfortable with that.” -
Be consistent
Try to stick to your boundaries once you’ve set them. This helps others understand and respect them. -
Accept that not everyone will agree
Setting boundaries can sometimes feel uncomfortable, especially if others aren’t used to them. That’s okay — your needs are still valid. -
Give yourself permission to say no
You are allowed to say no without feeling guilty. Looking after yourself is not selfish. -
Respect others’ boundaries too
Healthy relationships involve mutual respect — listening to and accepting other people’s boundaries is just as important.
If you find it difficult to set boundaries, or if someone is repeatedly ignoring them, it might be helpful to seek support. Resident Wellbeing and Support can help you talk through your situation and explore what feels right for you.
How to handle boundary pushback
If someone challenges your boundaries, stay calm, be clear, and repeat your position without over-explaining. Not everyone will agree, and that’s okay — your needs are still valid. If your boundaries are repeatedly ignored, take space where possible and seek support, as this may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Getting support
You are not alone, and support is available. You can talk to:
- Friends, family, or someone you trust
- Your university’s wellbeing or counselling services
- Local or national charities related to your situation
- Howden's for Students Wellbeing helpline on 0800 0321024
- Resident Wellbeing and Support at Unipol
The Resident Wellbeing Coordinator can provide a confidential space to talk, help you understand your options, and support you in accessing specialist services if needed.
If you would like to speak to someone, contact wellbeingandsupport@unipol.org.uk or use this form.
If you ever feel at risk of harm or in immediate danger, contact 999.
Remember
Healthy relationships should make you feel safe, respected, and valued. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts — reaching out for support is a positive and important step.
