If You Are Initiating Intimacy

If you’re thinking about becoming intimate with someone, it’s your responsibility to ensure they are fully comfortable and genuinely willing. Consent must be clear, ongoing, and specific to what’s happening. Agreeing to one type of activity does not mean agreeing to anything else, and checking in with your partner shows care—not awkwardness.

It’s important to recognise that consent can be withdrawn at any point. If someone hesitates, changes their mind, or asks to stop, you must stop immediately. Pressure, persistence, or trying to convince someone to say “yes” is not consent under any circumstances. This applies whether it’s your first experience together or you’ve been together for a long time—no one is ever owed intimacy.

You should also pay close attention to the situation. Alcohol and drugs can affect someone’s ability to make decisions. If a person is very intoxicated, asleep, or unresponsive, they cannot consent. A lack of resistance or silence is not the same as agreement—only a clear, enthusiastic “yes” means yes.

Key reminders:

• Consent must be freely given, informed, and enthusiastic every time
• Stop immediately if your partner seems unsure, uncomfortable, or asks you to
• Never assume consent based on past experiences or a relationship

If Someone Else Is Initiating

If someone else is initiating, your role is to decide what feels right for you. Only agree to anything if you genuinely want to—your comfort comes first. It’s completely okay to say no at any time, even if you’ve said yes before or feel worried about awkwardness.

Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, you don’t need to explain or justify your decision. Being clear and direct helps avoid confusion, especially in situations involving consent. A respectful partner will accept your answer without pressure or guilt.

If you’re unsure what is being suggested, take a moment to ask and make sure you fully understand. This helps you stay in control of your choices and avoids agreeing to something you didn’t intend.

Helpful approaches:

• Be clear and confident: “No, I’m not comfortable with that”
• Set boundaries early, especially in new relationships
• Remember that saying no is about the situation, not rejecting the person

In Shared Student Spaces

Student accommodation brings unique challenges. Respecting others means being aware of both your own behaviour and the wellbeing of those around you.

Privacy and consideration are key—keep intimate activity private and be mindful of shared spaces and noise levels. It’s also important to look out for others. If a housemate or friend seems vulnerable, particularly if they’ve been drinking, checking in or getting help if needed can make a big difference.

In shared housing:

• Respect privacy—yours, your partner’s, and your housemates’
• Avoid situations that could make others feel uncomfortable in communal areas
• Look out for one another, especially during nights out or social gatherings

Final Thoughts

Consent is about mutual respect, communication, and choice. Everyone has the right to feel safe and in control of what happens to them. Saying “no” can feel difficult at first, but it is an important way of protecting your wellbeing and setting healthy boundaries.

Remember: saying no to something you don’t want is saying yes to yourself—your comfort, your safety, and your independence.

For more guidance, or if you have any concerns, contact wellbeingandsupport@unipol.org.uk or use this form.